I wish that I could effectively put into words how I feel after one of my beloved sports teams loses and let's me down. It's odd, because up until 10 years ago EVERY one of my favorite sports teams always lost and let me down. The Sox, The Pats, The C's*...they were all perennial losers that I never expected anything out of. You think I'd be used to it.. But watching the Patriots lose the game yesterday, I cannot help but think of this scene- one of my favorites.
I know it's not my fault that the Patriots lost- but somehow it feels like it is.
I was thinking about this all morning as I found myself grinding my teeth through meetings and realizing that my patience, sense of humor and capacity for rational thought have flown straight out the window. But why? Why am I so attached to giant men, that are all mostly younger than me, that get paid dizzying amounts of money to play a game? Why do I let my mood and peace of mind rest on the shoulders of these giants that have no idea I exist and could care less if they ever knew that I did?
It's simple.
As a boy, I looked up to these people- Larry Bird in particular- because they were figures to aspire to. Something to live up to- that's a simple fact. Larry Bird was the best at what he did, everyone loved him and I wanted to be that. Loved by the masses, top of the heap, tons of cash and one hell of a 3 point shot...it's all good. I wanted it, wanted all of it.
As I grow older (old?)- I am the Alpha Male of my species (my species being the suburban businessman trying to remain cool while easing into my middle age)- I am the boss at work, The protector of my family, the bread winner of my household.
So what should I care if Tom Brady loses a game? Seriously, fuck Tom Brady, with his good looks, hot wife, jet set lifestyle and outstanding football career. That's what I want to say! But I would never say that out loud to anyone for fear that it might get back to him and I would have lost all chances of ever being best friends with the man.
It's pretty simple when I start to think about it- our lives dictate that trusting people is hard- relying on other people is dangerous. So my fellow men and I don't rely on too many people. Given the chance we provide for ourselves, make our own money, assemble our own IKEA shelves, apply our own band aids. BUT sports teams- in our minds, we can quietly allow these players to take care of us- we can rely on these players. If for nothing else, we can rely on them to entertain us for good or for bad.
Being a Boston sports fan is a little more sinister though- Boston sports run in waves of very, very good to very, very bad. It's like having an alcoholic father- they're abusive and they don't show up for the school play- but then they feel bad. They go into rehab, get their heads on straight and then come showing up with an arm load of Christmas gifts, promising that they've changed and you can count on them.
That's what yesterday's Patriots game felt like. It felt like I was duped by someone I trusted. Father, Politician, Girlfriend...they all have the ability to turn on you. But not you Tom Brady. He was supposed to be the one that didn't let the bad feelings get me. He was supposed to be the one that was always there for me. The one that I could always count on.
But he let me down. And he let me down hard. Took away one of the trusts that I have in this world.
And today I have to keep reminding myself that it's not my fault.
And then I also have to remind myself that it's really, at the base of everything, just a stupid game and that pitchers and catchers start work outs in 28 days so whatever. No big deal. I'm OK.
...but it's not my fault.
